Have you ever felt so stressed, stuck, alone in your problems and just about ready to give up on moving forward?
What if i told you that the root of these challenges and frustrations lies within your thoughts. You might say, “i beg to differ, i have some very real life issues that weigh me down!
While real life issues are undeniable, and something we all have to contend with, it’s how we label them that determines if we struggle or eventually thrive.
For example, lets say there are aspects about your job you dislike, do you immediately elevate it to “i hate this job, why can’t i get a good job like person B over there, “I’m so unlucky in life, why can’t things ever be easy for me, why do i always have to suffer, “ohhh i hate this job!”
And we all know that these thoughts don’t just show up once or twice, instead they play on repeat day in, day out. And we know that whatever we do consistently becomes not just a habit but could also become a belief which then drive our actions, inactions and emotions.
But what would your life feel and look like if you replaced this usual go-to response or thoughts with helpful, more impactful thoughts?
And I’m not referring to sugarcoating the issues or living in la-la land, I’m suggesting the option of upgrading your script and internal dialogue and being more intentional with your thoughts.
Let’s use that job example again, instead of confining yourself with limited statements, improve the conversations you have with yourself by considering more open-ended questions. So instead of saying “I hate my job!”, ask yourself, “What aspects of my job do i find challenging, is it the office politics?” However, don’t stop there, also identify positive aspects of the job you might like, what are some things you can learn and grow from even within this situation.
Having this sort of internal dialogue empowers you and leads you towards more productive solutions. But what we sometimes do is stay closed off in our thinking, and use our thinking against us which leaves us feeling stuck in a rut. You have to always remember, there are so many way to think about any one thing, try not to choose the one that brings you misery.
Another thing we sometimes do and i know i’ve been guilty of is finding a way to make the problem about me. How many times have you caught yourself saying, “I’m just not good enough” or “I could never be that or do that”? With these statements, all you’ve succeeded in doing is locking yourself out of many opportunities.
Imagine if someone told you that you could never attain a goal, will you happily keep their company? Yet, we keep having these destructive conversations with ourselves and the worst part of it all is they are rarely true.
Again it’s not about sugarcoating issues. If you were to find out you didn’t know enough about something, the key is to be expansive in your thinking and to address constructively. Instead of hiding behind, “I’m just not good enough” consider empowering yourself by asking “how do i learn and grow?” Stop defining yourself by your limitations and start defining yourself from your potential to always overcome.
The way you live your life to a large extent is a reflection of your most dominant thoughts. Garbage in, garbage out. Good in, good out. Just like with any programming system, the input predicts the output. It’s the same thing here, if you input differently you’ll get a different result, if you input the same old limitations and lies, you’ll get the same old struggles out of life.
So how should you handle this? First you have to understand that there is no hail Mary. There’s a saying that goes “success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.” You have to stick around and question/ deflate your limiting thoughts a dozen times a day if that is what it takes. Become conscious of your thoughts and replace them with better and do this consistently.
You could start by making small improvements every day, 1% improvements compounded overtime will eventually lead to massive results.
I read an article about how a 10 min routine for 100 days changed the life of a 400 pound woman who was sick, in a lot of pain and could barely move. She says “I committed myself to ten minutes of exercise every day for 100 days. I didn’t lose much weight, but I went from barely being able to walk ten minutes a day on day one to swimming 3000 meters on day 100. My pain level decreased drastically. My mood improved dramatically. I didn’t feel sick anymore.” (Shaunta Grimes). She eventually went on to lose 120pounds.
The same thing goes with changing your thought pattern, commit to starting small and improve overtime. When your friends come to you saying “i suck, i’m not smart, i’m not good at anything”, no matter how whiny they sound, you stick around, support, correct, and encourage them. All I’m asking is that you extend that same compassion to yourself!
